Calvin Harris is Pretty Sure That Taylor Swift Was Cheating


Just in case the Taylor Swift + Tom Hiddleston relationship wasn’t thirsty enough for you, I thought could finish off by washing it down with a quick chaser of Calvin Harris. While I and just about every other gossip outlet certainly were harboring some suspicions that the Swift and Hiddleston, or “Twiddles” as I like to call them, had a bit of a questionable timeline when it came to overlap with Swift’s relationship with Calvin Harris, Harris had actually remained pretty silent on the matter.

Until recently.

As it turns out, the original story that we were sold, that it was Calvin Harris who did the dumping, may not have been entirely accurate. Don’t get me wrong – the relationship was probably heading for splitsville no matter who dumped who. But now it seems that Harris, unlike all of Swifts other ex-boyfriends, is not going away quietly. Perhaps he didn’t sign the non-disclosure agreement, who knows?

Harris was recently papped in Los Angeles wearing Kanye West’s Yeezy brand sneakers, which to me look a lot like those cheap watersports pull-on shoes you can buy in Wal Mart in the summertime. What’s the significance, you ask? Well, A few days prior to this photo being taken, Kim Kardashian West, whose husband has a well-documented beef with Taylor Swift, threw some pretty serious shade at Swift in an interview she did with GQ, calling Swift (among other things) “manipulative.”

Screen Shot 2016-06-20 at 19.35.39

So are these Yeezy water shoes sneakers Calvin’s passive-aggressive way of “sticking it” to Swift? Were they gifted to him from the Wests, just for the sake of stirring the pot a little? Again, who knows?

What we do know is that there are now stories floating about that Swift was actually the one to officially end it. Apparently after the car accident Harris had in Los Angeles, Swift flew to his side to help him recuperate, but things simply didn’t go according to plan. We just don’t know whose plan it may have been that got derailed. I can totally see Swift being an overbearing presence while Harris was convalescing.  I also can see a scenario where Harris may have been losing interest in her and her alleged marriage-focused ways. But according to some sources (namely, TMZ), it is actually Swift who did the dumping.

By phone, no less.

Taylor Swift dumped Calvin Harris in a phone call, which is stunning because she was pissed when Joe Jonas did the exact same thing to her. Sources familiar with the situation say that Swift called Calvin from Nashville at some point after his car crash to pull the plug on their relationship. We’re told Swift was vague during the call, only saying she needed some space.

Calvin was thunderstruck because he was under what he thought was a clear impression that Taylor was in it for the long haul to help him recover. He didn’t accept the news well … we’re told they haven’t spoken since. Another source, however, says it’s BS … They say Taylor was good to Calvin and even went to L.A. after his accident to help him recover. But get this … Taylor put Joe Jonas on blast on Ellen’s show back in 2008 … when she called him out for an over-the-phone breakup. Pot, meet kettle.

You know what I think happened in that time frame?

This.Screen Shot 2016-06-20 at 19.46.11

First of all, I’d just like to speak for the women of Earth and say that hey, we get it. It’s the Hiddlesbod. But in (nearly) the same breath, I would also like to take this moment to appeal to Tom Hiddleston…

Tom, you are beautiful, but please, fire your manager. This ridiculous white underpants shoot that recently appeared in W Magazine is the thirstiest, most ridiculous thing I’ve seen tin a while. I nearly spat out my coffee, which is a serious offense in my house (I need every drop). I seriously cannot believe that you agreed to this. You can recite the Henry V St. Crispin’s Day monologue by rote! You have nuance, charm, and yes, a nice bod. And you did not need to go there. Please Tom, stop now, let the thinking women of Earth weep for the future.

But I digress. Yes, I think that with the (likely Swift-engineered) appearance of Tom Hiddleston on the scene, Calvin’s nose got put right out of joint. I think that he probably did do the dumping, but doesn’t want to look bad in front of his mates by being usurped by Loki (who I still prefer to think of as Henry V), so into the narrative comes a new story. Introducing the Calvin Harris as cuckolded boyfriend narrative, as told to the universe by a “source” to E Online.

Calvin was completely faithful to Taylor. He never looked in another direction. He was completely blindsided by this. He is hurt. In wake of the surprising news, our source adds that Harris is going to pay no mind to anything else other than his career. He is keeping a low profile and focusing on his music and the shows he is doing. He is not seeing anyone and isn’t rebounding. He just really wants to be alone. He is still processing everything. He is angry. He never heard of this Tom guy, but if that’s her type then so be it.

Calvin was very suspicious that Taylor was cheating during their relationship. He just didn’t know with whom. He feels like these pictures confirm his suspicions, and it changes everything. He is so angry and feels betrayed. He is convinced that Taylor was cheating with Tom while they were still together.

Ooh! Smack! He “isn’t rebounding”…that’s definitely a dig. As is “he never heard of this Tom guy”, definitely another dig.

But that last part? Not knowing who Tom Hiddleston is? Honey please, if you want us to believe your story, you’re going to have to be a little more believable than that.

So the plot thickens. And the only thing we really get out of it is the knowledge that both Harris and Hiddleston have stylists with incredibly bad taste in underpants.